Thursday, November 10, 2011


So I have been engaged for almost a week now and my Fiancee's mom isnt too happy with us right now because im out of work and all that Jazz and my over active imagination is telling me that its something else. and her mom is wanting to give us the mom version of Marriage 101 classes boring and I feel very awkward during theses times, I brought up my hugging fetish in the latest class and I dont know if it was taken right, maybe im just over reacting

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

November 2nd 2011

I have several Friends who are Bi or Gay but that doesn't bother me because I agree to some extent. I Will soon but not soon enough be getting married to a wonderful girl and I have told her about some of these issues and she at least says she understand and is "okay with it"  but something tells me she is uncomfortable with it. but that may just be my mind playing tricks on me like so many times before, I bought the Ring yesterday! im nervous and excited and in love. I hope I don't screw it up

Thursday, October 27, 2011

life events part one

Lets go back to August of 2009 I was engaged to a girl and all she wanted was sex, I fell and indulged these desires and I feel that I screwed up and part of me thinks Girls don't want anything to do with me anymore. though I am engaged I feel that My fiancee feel awkward around me and I feel a little awkward around her as well. at times it gets to the point that I have to call a date short or take her home early so I don't give in to my sexual impulses.
Lets go back again to 2004 I had a male friend we will call him Frank, I have a secret relationship with that was mostly sexual I was 14 or so at the time.
I am now 21 and I have had several problems with similar things I cant look at any woman in the same way nor men, I always to do more then look but I have to keep my feelings and impulses in check

Oct. 27 2011 My Friends

I look at my friends in a way that not all people can understand, I look and the girls I am friends with and my thoughts go directly to wondering what it would be like to be wrapped in their arms to feel the love and caring feeling, as well as the lusting feelings that come along with it, unfortunately, when I get those feeling they thrive in me and I want them more and more and more. When I look at my Male Friends I get similar feelings and to me I want the feel of a strong mans arms around me holding me. Some might say I'm Bi, but I dont think so I love Girls in every way shape and or form. I'm engaged to a beautiful girl, who I want more than anything to be with. but even when I'm with her I want more. I want to be held. I am a rather big man  and Im not that masculine, I watch chick flicks and Cry, I cry about alot of things I love and care for my friends and I cherish every one of them and at times I feel I love my male friends more and I want more than anything to be accepted for how I feel though if I ever show it most of them look at me like im a creep.